Describe yourself in one sentence. Or less.

I changed my mind about the first story I wanted to run in my Tuesday column for the News & Observer. The editor approved it and wrote me the following:

What do you want your tagline to read:

Leigh Ann Frink is a(n) .....

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Well now. Where to start?

Leigh Ann Frink is a(n):

Loud sneezer

INFP on the Meyers-Briggs scale

Co-conspirator of Steve Plowman

Burner of perfectly good food

Fan of English over-the-counter medications

Graduate of the Richard Petty Driving Experience

World's greatest aunt

Demure Southern belle

Ranidaphobe (glaring at you, "Alice")

Double-jointed freak

Mangler of French pronunciations

Cat fancier

Number-one Durannie of 1984

Breaker of crockery

Pedant

Worshipper prostrate on the altar to his greatness, David Sedaris

Fightin' Christian from Elon College (never Elon University)

Lover of Discovery Health Channel documentaries

Champion of 80s music trivia

Pretend girlfriend of boys who love boys

Frequent e-mail checker

Quoter of lines from John Hughes movies

Admirer of hair color

Appreciator of adult beverages

Obama voter

Idiot with a blog...