I heart old-people tv

I LOVE me some Discovery Health Channel. I've been addicted to it for at least a year and it's just about all I watch anymore. "Medical Incredibles" is my favorite show. Steve can't stand to watch it. He calls it the "Deformed Baby Show." I defend it by pointing out that they're helping the deformed babies.

At least 50 percent of the advertising is for pharmaceuticals, another 10 percent is for supplemental life insurance. That, more than anything, means it's an old-people network.

I just can't stop tuning in. Maybe I should try, though.

Last night, I dreamed I was recovering from a face lift. I couldn't move or talk much because my face was swollen and the incisions and stitches hurt like hell.

Today at work, I was wheeling an office chair to a co-worker's cube to talk about a project and said, "Look at me, I'm a Brookhaven patient!" Nobody knew I was talking about the morbidly obese clinic.

But Dr. G, the primordial dwarfs and Archie, the 100-pound baby need me. And I need them.