This is not funny (4/10/07)

But it is.

I just went into the bathroom, lifted the toilet lid and paused for a minute to check out my newly cut and colored hair in the mirror. In that split second, Miss Eudora Thunderkiss, as is her routine in hanging out with me while I primp, jumped onto what she assumed was the toilet lid and fell right into the bowl. I had to fish her out because she was too panicked.

She's very embarrassed. Dave's helping her dry off.

God points

I talk to my parents every Sunday. I was talking to my daddy just now and he asked me, tongue firmly placed in cheek, if I'd been to church this morning. I told him no, but I did go to a funeral at a church on Friday, so that should count for something.

He replied, "You know, I went to a funeral at a church just last week."

We agreed that we're probably in good shape.

My mom got back on the line and I told her that I'd remembered how to recite the Apostle's Creed without looking at the words. The praising of Jesus ensued.

I didn't have the heart to tell either of them that hearing "thy rod and thy staff comfort me" made my inner 14-year-old boy snicker.

Steve's in Australia and the cats are out of control

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Leigh Ann Frink
Sent: Sunday, September 16, 2007 10:35 AM
To: Steven Plowman
Subject: Re: Panadeine

I had to put your tool box in front of the door to the staircase, as Dave has started jiggering it open again. Dunno if it's the heat or humidity, but the door itself has swollen and I can't latch it.

Soon, we can cook ham. Dunno why I just thought of that. But won't it be nice?

Love you!
xola

From: Steven Plowman
Date: Sep 16, 2007 10:40 AM
Subject: RE: Panadeine
To: Leigh Ann Frink

I read "soon we can cook HIM". Aghast, I wondered if this was not a little harsh for jiggling a door. But fair, I suppose. Like you, mistress ;-)

---

Worst-case corporate workplace scenarios

>> -----Original Message-----
> From: Buffington, Melissa
> Sent: Friday, September 07, 2007 2:31 PM
> To: Frink, Leigh Ann
> Subject: Worry
>
> I just pottied and I thought wouldn't it be awful if I had a brain aneurism
> and passed out and people (probably you) had to find me in the bathroom like Elvis.
>
> Just another worry wart Friday.

-------------------

>From: "Frink, Leigh Ann"
Date: Fri, 7 Sep 2007 14:39:11 -0400
To: "Buffington, Melissa"
Conversation: Worry
Subject: RE: Worry

If I'd found you slumped on the toilet, I would probably have fainted, hit my head and been knocked unconscious. Then someone would have found the two of us, you on the toilet and me on the floor, and would have assumed we had formed a suicide pact out of despair. The rumors of our attempted self-annihilations would immediately start to spread. An HR investigation would take place, then a cross-functional task force of managers would meet weekly for several months to brainstorm ways to prevent suicide attempts by employees on company property. Their suggestions would be incorporated into a communication to employees by someone in employee communications. That document would then be hacked to pieces by mid-level managers, HR, Legal and senior management before being mass distributed as an infobulletin that most people would delete without reading. And morale wouldn't improve.
>

Parents just don't understand

My mom sent us a check to buy our own birthday gifts from our Amazon wish lists, as she refuses to enter her credit card info on the Web.

I wrote back to thank her, but told her I didn't think I'd be able to cash it because it was written to Leigh Ann Frink-Plowman, and I don't know anybody by that name.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: my mother
Date: Jun 27, 2007 5:54 PM
Subject: Re: Thank you!
To: Leigh Ann Frink

When endorsing check FORGE Plowman on it!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor ole Steve. I would tell your daddy to go to Hell if he didn't accept my name, if that were the case.

Be good to poor ole Steve. I am truly proud to call him my son-in-law and love him as my own son! Give him a hug for me.

Ma

Melodramatic old diary entries, Vol. 1

Welcome to the inaugural edition of That Girl From Shallotte's "Melodramatic Old Diary Entries," wherein we shall explore some of That Girl's deepest, most profound thoughts when she was younger that make her cringe now.

Enjoy!

--------------

1/18/02

Just watched "Say Anything" for the 100th time. I love that movie.

I miss Lloyd Dobler so much. I know he exists, I just can't find him.

I can't believe I'm in my 30s. I don't feel that old. I'm an aging adolescent, it's true.

Last night, the kids and I left the bar and had a slumber party at Greg's house. 30-somethings aren't supposed to put on pajamas and stay up all night drinking and playing games. I get so much joy from it, though.

I guess you take love from wherever you can get it.

I can't help missing Lloyd Dobler, though. I wish I had someone I could say anything to. I want a dare-to-be-great situation.

Even though wherever it is I'm going is a result of my own work and experience, I want somebody to hold my hand when the plane takes off.

----

I've been called much worse

--------- Forwarded message ----------
From: my mother
Date: Sep 1, 2007 5:40 PM
Subject: Re: some stories I've written
To: Leigh Ann Frink <

Hey,

You are indeed a brilliant writer.

I still wish you would remove that picture. It makes you look like a Fayetteville Hay Street lady of the evening!!!!!!

I love you,

Ma