What I said to Steve at our wedding (6/3/06)

I was just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world. I took the midnight train from Shallotte to Elon College to London, then down some dark and questionable roads in Raleigh on this journey before I got here, where I am supposed to be.

In this moment, I stand before you all with the kindest, warmest, most wonderful man I’ve ever met. It staggers me that I found him, and I want to thank him for finding me. It took us 35 years, and I once wished we could have met when we were younger, but I know that we were two completely different people then, and it’s the different roads we traveled, and the bumps and detours we encountered that made us the great team we are today.

I want you all to know that marrying Steve Plowman is the best decision I’ve ever made. This man was the first person ever to make me laugh so hard I gagged. We have the greatest conversations on everything from personal struggles though politics through the forensics of language through the brilliance of Monty Python. We sing silly songs and riff off each other effortlessly. We have a fluid, mutually respectful life together that unfolds into something better every day.

I lived with a Himalayan cat named Ed for 10 and a half years. Most of you – well, all of you – who met him know that he wasn’t terribly friendly to anybody but me. At first, he regarded Steve with great disdain and was extremely put off at not being the center of my attention. But eventually, Ed stopped hissing at Steve and started playing a swat-and-duck game with him, which, for Ed, was genuinely affectionate social interaction.

Steve was with me the moment Ed died. And he cried with me and drove us to Oberlin Road Animal Hospital for the last time. I was a wreck for days, and Steve helped me through my tears and loss. My sister Jill said, “Maybe Ed stayed around to make sure Steve would take care of you, and when he knew it was okay, he left.”

So to Ed, Jill, my family and friends, I want to let you know that because of Steve, I am more okay than I’ve ever been. I love this man, I love his company, and I love that he loves the things I don’t love about myself. We are going to be really great together.

I want to promise Steve, in your presence, that he’s all that matters, that I love every day we spend together, that I would give my left kidney for him, that I’ve never been so happy or complete, and that my heart belongs wholly to Steve Plowman.