Your Bluetooth negates your defense

If you're wearing one while doing anything other than driving, you are, in fact, a douchebag. Sorry. I know you think you're cutting edge, but you're a douchebag.

I work downtown and take a lot of breaks throughout the day, which I spend outside. I've been doing this in the same area for over a decade and have witnessed countless (there but for the grace of God go I) raving lunatics conducting animated conversations with themselves. These observations make great fodder for stories I tell my co-workers; "I was outside minding my own business and..."

Unfortunately, with the advent of these insipid wireless devices, I have to look harder at people talking to themselves before being able to judge between bat-shite and Bluetooth.

So, today I was outside minding my own business when a small, bald woman wearing a wife-beater and baggy shorts was walking down the sidewalk in my direction talking loudly. It took me several sneaking glances to determine that she was not wearing an uber-Star-Trek-fan-dorky device in her ear and speaking to a second party.

Nope. She was performing a spoken-word piece for an audience only she could see. I caught the following as she passed:

"I'm a Virgo. I believe in peace. People using dirty needles. Don't need no dope. The soul is like a hot dog."

I'm not about to pass judgment. She may be the next messiah for all I know.