The silicon chip inside her head got switched to overload

So I started my week with an e-mail from the proofreader I hired to help me clean up my little author's manuscript before I go in and embellish it. "Not worth the money," she wrote. And I don't blame her. It's really, really bad and I wanted to quit the project myself, but I can't let people down. Sigh. Anybody know any grammarians/editors willing to take on a very challenging document? (UPDATE: Found somebody. Thanks for all the inquiries!)

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"I was really desperate for some shampoo..." I said to Anna, my stylist. She interrupted me with, "Never start a sentence that way." This particular visit was a milestone, as we were using Pravana's brand-new line of permanent pink. I've been waiting for someone to invent permanent unnatural color for years now. I loved my Manic Panic for over 20 years, but I was tired of the fading and having to reapply it every couple of weeks. I was also tired of having to put a dark towel on top of my pillow for the first few nights and having my tub and fingers stained whatever color I was into at the moment.

Worst case story: I chose a color of Manic Panic called "Deadly Nightshade" to match my bridesmaid's dresses and had it applied three days before my wedding. The day before my wedding, I had a French manicure. The next morning, I washed my hair and my nails were stained pink and dark pink. As it was fairly even, I didn't bother taking it off.

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I just purged my closet. My tiny, tiny closet. I know I dissed SATC in an earlier post, but I, like Carrie, would marry for a walk-in closet alone if I weren't already married. I pulled things out and made the three standard piles: Out-of-season jackets/tops, out-of-season skirts/bottoms and too small/out of style. The first two piles were put in trash bags and taken to the attic. The third pile, the "donate" pile, had a third adjective added to it. "Age inappropriate."

What a drag it is getting old.

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My mama found the famous "Jill screaming in the toybox" pic!

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Mr. Sweetypants is, as I write this, flying from New York to Dusseldorf. The cheapest flight he could find (his company makes him book his own flights) was on LTU Airlines. He'd never heard of this airline and looked them up last night. They are, apparently, the airline of the former East Germany and are not internationally renowned for their on-flight service or friendliness.

He left a message for me just before he boarded to tell me he'd seen the flight crew, dressed in their tight black pants and shirts. He said they looked like members of Kraftwerk. All I could conjure in my mind was Mike Myers as Dieter (Steve didn't live in this country in the early 90s). So I'm imagining the flight crew becoming bored of the passengers and their silly requests, proclaiming, "Now is the time on LTU Airlines ven ve danse!"

And this is how my blog looks in a German browser. Be sure to check out the “Benachrichtigen Sie Blogger uber” on the top link.


Touch my monkey, y'all!