I went on a ridiculous online shopping spree last night. I can't remember the last time I went to the mall; the walk and the other shoppers wear me out. I used to go to NYC once a year to shop at Trash & Vaudeville, but I'm old, I'm married, I don't go to clubs, and I really don't think the government workers and corporate types in downtown Raleigh were ever that impressed with the show I used to put on in my cooler-than-thou days.
One of my main missions was to find a pair of black gladiator sandals, as that's what all of us ewes are supposed to wear this summer. I did a million searches and, of all the shoes I looked at, I thought these were the cutest. There was absolutely no way I would purchase them as I have principles. Even sent an e-mail link about my refusal to purchase them to my friends, with the subject line "The power of branding works both ways."
My girl Laura e-mailed me back: "Sooo.... Olsen twins are tolerable. Paris Hilton is a ho. Yes?"
The girl has a mind like a steel trap, dammit. Four years ago, when I first got reading glasses before my downward optical spiral into "Put 'em on and keep 'em on" (my opthalmologist actually said that), I bought a pair that just happened to be from the Mary Kate & Ashley line.
But, yes!
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THE LIGHT EPHEMERAL
1 day ago
4 comments:
I now feel marginally less peer pressured regarding my N'Sync line of boxer shorts.
In all fairness to you, I don't think the Olson twins had even developed an eating disorder when you bought those frames.
As one who lives vicariously through other people's ability to shop, I thank you for your strength. I would also like to start a petition that celebrities and celebrities-lite stick to doing one thing and one thing only, and that is sucking at whatever they first chose to do. Chill out on the perfume, J Lo. No thanks on the hair extensions, Jessica Simpson. And yes, my feet have standards, Paris.
Also, I think my legs would look like overcooked links in those gladiator style sandals, so there's that.
Diff Girl- I tested J-Lo's perfume at the department store. It smelled like ass. (rimshot) Thank you folks, I'm here all week.
But seriously (I am apparently channeling a borscht-belt comedian tonight), you need to take that line of thought and run with it in a post of your own. It's too freakin' funny and true to be lost in this comment section.
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