Costume Shop Chronicles, Vol. 2

That girl from Shallotte at that costume shop in Raleigh

(A little background: I spent 20 years in the corporate world as a communications hack before I just couldn't take the self-evaluations, staff meetings, team-building exercises, micromanagement and being surrounded by other people who suffered from the same profound sense of dread for one more second. Decided to take a break and got a great little part-time job in an eccentric costume shop and am loving life. These are my stories so far, as told via Facebook. See Vol. 1 here.)

4/24/13

How many customers or clients on the phone today told you, "I think I love you"? A woman who sounded about my age called the costume shop asking for a specific costume we don't carry for her kid's school project, so I told her about all the things we could do to trick something out to make it work. She said,"Yeah, I can do that. I'm crafty." "And you're just my type," I replied.#lovemyjob

4/28/13

I never in a million years thought I'd use the words, "great friend," "funniest person I've ever met" and "boss" to describe the same person... then I met Louie.

5/2/13

Today at the costume shop, a man came in to rent the scariest gorilla costume we could find. He and a bunch of other dads are going on a father-son camping trip with their 11- and 12-year olds in the mountains this weekend and have been telling the boys that bigfoot lives there. This dad is going to run by, out in the woods, and scare the holy crap out of them.#bestdadever

5/4/13

Hey, at least my writer's block finally cleared up

After I drink this liter of Pepe Lopez tequila and get back from my Silkwood shower at our local nuclear plant, I'm going to figure out where to place this line in the story of my day that's writing itself in my head right now:

"My co-worker and I worked desperately to engage and entertain the Norman-Rockwell-painting grandfather and two kids (seriously, the little boy had a baseball and mitt) to prevent them from turning around and seeing the middle-aged man walking around wearing only shirttails and the support hose and ballet slippers he brought with him, desperately trying to get us all to look at him for his own gratification."

5/5/13

A late-20-ish woman came into the costume yesterday looking for ideas for something to wear to a party themed, "Things that used to be cool."

"Just go as me, Sweetie," I replied. 

5/10/13

Today at work was so kick-ass I totally forgot to bitch about how hot it is outside.

5/11/13

A dull day at a costume shop is a million times more fun than corporate-sanctioned "fun day" in an office.

5/15/13

The simplest joys really do make everyday life fabulous. I strolled into the costume shop today with with my new "Electric Flamingo" 'do and was greeted with a big, boisterous, "Girl! I love your hair!" from the owner. (Can't believe I lasted as long as I did at my last corporate job...)

5/18/13

A guy came into the shop and asked about nerd costumes. In a great feat of restraint, I did not point out the fact that he was already wearing glasses and a Halo tee shirt.

5/22/13

The real-life version of Comic Book Guy came into the costume shop today. After complaining that our Chewbacca costume was not up to his standards after he'd spent the weekend practicing his Chewbacca sound effect for Animazement, he demanded to see Spartans. I pulled out the rack of Greek and Roman costumes and he sneered, "You seem to have misunderstood me, I was referring to Spartan from Halo."

5/23/13

A guy asked me if this is my real hair. "Yes," I replied, "but it's not my natural color."

5/23/13

A man came into the costume shop to rent a Batman costume for his Batman-comic obsessed son's surprise birthday party. We have several Batman incarnations, so I showed him all of them to make sure we got it exactly right. Otherwise, he said, his son would die of embarrassment in front of his friends.

"Even if he does," I assured the dad, "he will be telling this with his other 'awesome things my dad' did for me stories for the rest of his life." 

6/4/13

A 20-something guy came into the costume shop looking for something to wear to an 80s party with a $1,000 prize for best band costume. I pulled down the sign-board ace of spades card costume and told him to wear it, a fake facial wart, long black wig and sunglasses. He said, "I've never heard of Motörhead" and bought a mullet wig.

6/5/13

So the dude got on my first nerve by telling his friend, "This place is creepy. I would hate to be here after dark." He got on my last nerve by asking me, "Do you go home smelling like old clothes?" Yet somehow, in a great feat of restraint, I DID NOT ask in return, "Do you go home smelling like Summer's Eve or regular old water and vinegar?"

6/7/13

Today at the costume shop, a guy tried to banter with me by asking, "Were you born with purple hair?" I said, "No. It was green when I was born, but the treatments were successful." Louie howled laughing. The guy was trying to get us to switch phone companies and we were busy trying to get the hoops back into hoop skirts after cleaning them.

6/12/13

To entertain myself at the costume shop today, I took the discarded hair net from the wig I'd just sold and put it over my hair. Without missing a beat, my colleague, said, "Meat? You want a meat?" Easiest cheap and recognizable costume ever: K&W Cafeteria lady.

6/14/13

Working solo at the costume shop and rocking the old AC/DC. I really wish I was in a staff meeting or team-building exercise instead. Sucks for me. 

6/19/13

Other than the reality television crew shooting inside the store, it was a dull day at the costume shop.

6/24/13

I dressed the real-life version of Seth Galifianakis and he chastised me for not being active in the Order of the Eastern Star. 

6/28/13

I was in the middle lanes in front of Crabtree, almost all the way to work, when my large, unsweet tea exploded, completely soaking me. I got to the store, where a couple of customers were waiting for me to open. "Y'all gimme just a few minutes," I said. They were probably perplexed when I came back a couple minutes later, wearing a NASCAR driver's jumpsuit, but were polite enough not to ask.

6/29/13

Every once in a while, a random encounter with a stranger turns into a moment in time you will love forever. Today, a woman came into the shop with her autistic son, who loves history. As he was mesmerized with the medieval weapons, she talked (not chatted) with me. Before I even realized it, I'd told her my story of being in the corporate world before landing at the offbeat costume shop.

We talked for a while before they left and she said goodbye, then turned back in the doorway and said, "I'm glad you're enjoying your life." Didn't get her name, but I won't soon forget how much that meant to me.

7/10/13

I was working solo at the costume shop, answering customer emails, when a salesman came in and declared he was looking for business owners who love golf. I glanced briefly up from my typing and said, "And you are completely out of luck in here." He left.

7/18/13

A 60-something woman came into the costume shop in a last-ditch effort to find a lipstick similar to her beloved and now-discontinued shade. We don't stock lipstick in our theatrical makeup, but I spent 10 minutes making phone calls and helping her search the web for leads. I know all too well the trauma that comes after the discontinuation of a cosmetic product. RIP, Manic Panic Deadly Nightshade.

7/26/13

Long story short: The pervy exhibitionist formerly known only as "Mr. French" will no longer be coming into the costume shop and parading around in just his pantyhose in front of anyone -- most importantly children. Y'all can call me Chris Hansen.

7/27/13

A man whose profession is clowning was joking with me about my fear of clowns in the costume shop. "Sorry," I replied, "but you're all John Wayne Gacy to me."

7/31/13

Reason number 253 I love my job at the costume shop: In my last corporate job, framed motivational posters with lines like "Teamwork: Many hands, many minds, one goal" lined the walls. On the counter at the shop, we have a framed quote that reads, "I see you've set aside this time to humiliate yourself in public." It sits next to the one that reads, "No matter how much you cry, no matter how much you sigh, all sales are final 'til the day you die."

8/3/13

Two corporate types came into my beloved, family-owned and -operated costume shop and bought stuff for a training video. As one was paying, he asked if we gave corporate discounts. In a great feat of restraint, I did NOT roll my eyeballs all the way into the back of my head and say, "Bitch, please" OR say, "Corporations get enough discounts already." I got enough satisfaction smiling and saying, in my sweetest Brunswick County accent, "We sure don't" as I swiped his corporate card. #supportsmallbusinesses

8/7/13

A woman trying on a sexy pirate wench costume groused that it looked better in the photo on the packaging. I, in a great feat of restraint, did not reply, "Well, the model wearing it is 30 years younger than you and a model."

8/8/13

Just had a great hair-color conversation with a hilarious woman in the shop. I told her my natural color is North American Field Mouse. She replied, "Mine, too, girl, but in Tennessee, we call it Chicken Dookie Brown."

8/9/13

Reason number 740 I love my job at the costume shop: Louie said, "Girl, we've earned it today," and busted out the red Solo cups at 4:30.

8/24/13

A customer tried to haggle with me over a rental price and said, "Come on, have you ever watched Pawn Stars?" "Yep," I replied, "and I'm the old man." He laughed. 

Click here for Vol. 3.