The awesomest insult ever

I was the oldest, and therefore the coolest, when we were growing up. I pretty much ignored my sisters through high school. I was the first to get a driver's license and apartment and live in the big city.

But I was also the first-born and had the strictest rules, so I couldn't drive farther than to Wilmington or Myrtle Beach, but my sisters were allowed to drive halfway across the state to see me. When I moved to Raleigh after college, my house became party central for Frink girls from Shallotte. And I was supposed to watch them.

Of course I didn't watch them. I bought them beer and let them do whatever they wanted. Because I was the coolest.

Both of them descended on my apartment one night in 1993, and we went to see Chris Connelly from the Revolting Cocks and Ministry doing an acoustic set with Frankie Nardello from My Life With the Thrill Kill Cult at the Fallout Shelter.

Because it was acoustic, we all sat on the floor listening, and I was in awe of the hot, Scottish rivet that is Chris freaking Connelly. After they played to the very small house, CC made his rounds talking to people. So when he got to Jill and me, I was nearly breathless.

But then Jill, with her dreadlocks, piped up and said, "So, are your dreads real or from beeswax?"

"Beeswax," Chris FREAKING Connelly replied.

Jill told him that was cheesy. And I ran away, embarrassed.

Amy was holding her own with the boys chatting her up in the corner. Jill and I let her do her thing as we went to play pool, keeping an eye on her (she was 18) and occasionally yelling, "Amy, get away from the frat boy."

Jill and I were very into our pool game. We noticed one particular out-of-place-looking, long-haired, muscle-shirt-wearing guy checking us out and bitched among ourselves: "Ewww! He is so going to talk to us!" "Oh my god, here he comes!"

The guy approached us and asked, "Have either of you ever played this before?"

Jill and I completely abandoned character and went right back to our redneck roots. After we stopped laughing, we gave homeboy props and went back to our game, finishing a good half-hour later.

And to this day, "Have either of you ever played this before" is part of our vernacular.