My building is four minutes from my house inside the beltline, but I never knew it was there because it's in the opposite direction from downtown, set back from the road where you can't see it for all the green, leafy trees. From the building itself, you'd never know you were in Raleigh because all you can see is green, leafy trees.
I was in the designated smoking section today, surrounded by green, leafy trees, when I saw something I've never seen in 19 years living here, one of the two reasons I had to flee my Shallotte home and move inland.
There, between me and the door to get back in was a repulsive, evil, green chameleon. It cocked its head back, showed its money and said in a demon's voice, "Get out." (I heard it. Really.)
I screamed and panicked because I was outside by myself. I threw a twig in its general direction to get it to move, but it didn't. So squealing like a freaked-out four-year-old, with my arms flailing and my face twisted in terror, I ran as fast as I could past it so it wouldn't have time to jump on me and suck my eyeballs out... all the while being recorded on a security camera.
At least I didn't fall down. Women in old horror movies always got picked off early because they couldn't help falling down.
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THE LIGHT EPHEMERAL
1 day ago
4 comments:
Too funny. We consider our blue-tailed skinks pets. The biggest blue-tailed boy living in our hedge was busy making babies with his pretty red-tailed girlfriend today. We will be seeing little blue tailed babies soon. So, how do you feel about black snakes?
I hear Eddie Murphy in my head. "GET OUT." "Too bad we can't stay, baby!" Which leads to "Ice cream, ice cream, you ain't got no ice cream" and "Baby, I'm cold...where's my sweater?" and "What time is it?" I think I just wrapped Delirious up with Raw and maybe Eddie Murphy, too. Had 'em all on LP, used to listen when the 'rents weren't home...
You, my funny friend, just made my birthday complete. I had a honest to goodness visual of you flailing around hysterically and screaming!!!
There used to be this kid that would put them on his ears and let them dangle like earrings. I still shudder at what that must have felt like. EWWW!!! Come to think of it, I don't know what happened to that kid. Hmmm?
As someone who listened to the Eddie Murphy comedy album your title came from so often while growing up it should be outlawed, I need you to know I busted out the remaining minutes of that routine when I saw the title of this post in my Reader. It's amazing more people don't want to hang around with me, what with all the awesome I bring.
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